Caterina pov
Today
My hands shake as I move my necklace so the locket is in the center of the chain, heart-shaped and winking at my collarbone. My makeup looks immaculate, and instead of the slightly disheveled single mom looking at me, I see someone else entirely.
Someone who has been coiffed within an inch of her life.
Someone elegant.
Someone who looks like she could be Elio Rossi’s wife.
I definitely look a little different than the last time Elio saw me. I use a lot more night creams and potions now, that’s for sure. My skin is slightly less naturally dewy, more artificially so.
There’s another difference.
When he saw me last, I was a girl. I was in my early 20s, sure. I had my degree in accounting from Columbia practically emblazoned across my chest, and I had just passed my CPA exams.
The world felt like it was going in my favor. I felt like I was made of sunshine and starlight, despite the fact that my family was active in the organized crime world.
I had everything I wanted, and I didn’t even know what that was.
I cringe when I think about that girl.
I thought I knew everything.
I knew nothing.
So, no. The woman who is heading to meet Elio today isn’t the same wide-eyed girl who saw him last. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see someone who is swayed by pretty words and a handsome face.
My eyes are harder, my cheekbones more pronounced. I frown as often as I smile, and my lovely daughter has put more than one gray hair on my head, which I’ve carefully concealed with a well-timed salon trip.
No, this time I’m much less easy to fool.
And I’m kind of proud of that fact.
I push my shoulders back as I think about who I am now. I’m someone who has had a baby. A whole goddamn human grew in my body, and I care for her. I have a job that I love, even if it’s one that others wouldn’t find very glamorous. But, everyone needs a CPA.
Especially if you’re trying to dodge giving the government all of your hard-earned illegal cash.
I’m shocked to realize that I actually like myself more now than I did then.
I wonder if Elio will like me now too.
I almost bark out a laugh at the thought. I’m not trying to win Elio’s approval.
Not this time.
Last time though, Elio’s approval, and his love, were on the top of my mind as I got ready for my engagement party.
Shutting my eyes, I sink into the memory of that pivotal night six years ago.
I don’t need to think that hard to remember how my last engagement party went.
The whole thing lives in my head, and I think about it far, far too often.
Six years ago
My heart is in my throat and my palms are sweating.
I’m frozen in the car. I know I’m supposed to get out but I can’t get out, because if I do, I’m going to cry.
Or scream.
Or both.
Elio Rossi is the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. I know that he’s my brother’s age, and I know that I’ve been obsessed with him for just as long.
I don’t have any illusions that he feels the same about me. For him, this is a business arrangement. It’s something our fathers cooked up after a wild weekend in Atlantic City, something that they want for the business.
Or for nostalgia.
I’m not really sure, actually, but I do know that both of them are wholeheartedly behind this marriage.
And I’m not sure at all how Elio feels about it.
“Let’s go, sorellina,” Marco calls to me from the open car door. “This isn’t Groundhog Gay, you have to come out sometime.”
Oh. God.
Now Elio thinks I’m hiding in the car.
I scoot to the side and stick one leg out. “I’m not…”
The heel of my shoe catches on the floor mat.
For a heart-stopping moment, I know I’m going to fall.
Then, strong arms pick grab me. “Easy there, tesoro,” I hear a deep voice rumble.
“Oh god, seriously Caterina? You fall on your own feet? I swear man, she’d lose her head if it wasn’t attached to her shoulders.”
“I’ll catch her. No problem.”
The light Italian accent is a dead giveaway.
I look up and blink.
Elio Rossi has his hand on my arm and smiles at me.
And my world tilts on its axis.
“Come. Let’s go to our party.”
In a daze, I take his hand, and I follow him.
I start to fade out by the third hour. I’ve shaken so many hands. Nodded. Smiled. Accepted so many well-wishes.
The party is outdoors, which is unusual, but the spring night is light and easy. Lights have been strung up in the trees around us, and there’s huge, long tables filled with food. My mom called it ‘rustic’ and said it would make all the Italians more comfortable because of the casual elegance.
I don’t know who any of these people are, but they seem to be having a good time.
“Caterina. Walk with me?”
I look into Elio’s handsome face.
He’s been perfect this entire time. Gracious. Kind. Thoughtful. He fetches me water and kisses people’s babies and gives the old women flattering compliments that have them blushing and sighing.
I blink. “But our guests…”
“Can wait. Let’s take a walk.”
I could never say no to that face.
Elio takes me away from the party. We walk a ways into the woods. My dad told me that the Rossi estate extends for miles on either side, the woods on either side thick and quiet.
Finally, he pauses next to a small pond, and gestures for me to stand next to him.
“Hi,” he says with a smile that makes my heart beat faster in my chest.
“Hi,” I respond shyly.
“So. That was a lot,” his eyes twinkle in the moonlight, and I smile in response.
“Yeah. Was that your zia who decided to dance on the table?”
“After having way too many glasses of red? You bet. Zia Lucia was the best stripper in Naples for many years.”
I laugh. “Really?”
“Really. When Zio Andreas married her, it was the talk of the town for about six months.”
I tilt my head at him. His accent is light, but definitely there. “How much time do you spend in Italy?”
“Most of it, until I started high school. My parents thought it was important to go to an American school in order to get access to American colleges.”
“Oh. How does that work? Did you get like a passport?” I’m just asking questions, but mostly I’m staring into his beautiful face.
He laughs and turns to me, then cups my cheek with one hand. “Tesoro, you know that kind of stuff doesn’t matter for people like us, no?”
With those words, reality crashes amount me again.
I’m marrying this man.
Who is older. Who knows more than I do.
I feel small and afraid. I pull back and wrap my arms around myself. “Yeah, I guess,” I say in a small voice.
His eyebrows push together. “Hey, is everything okay?”
“Yeah. It’s fine.”
“Oh tesoro,” he takes another step toward me, but doesn’t continue when I step back. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“Um…” my father’s words flash in my mind. Be a good wife. Don’t upset him. Make sure that he feels like he’s in control.
I don’t know how to do that.
I’m not even a good sister. I’m kind of a good daughter, in the sense that I get good grades and I don’t talk back to my parents.
I have no idea how to be a good wife, much less manipulate Elio into doing something or acting in a certain way.
His eyes harden. “What have you heard about me?”
“Nothing, really,” I frown. “I remember you hanging out with Marco from some parties when we were kids. He tells me that you’re a nice guy.”
He laughs. “From Marco, I guess that is a compliment.”
“It is. And that’s about it.”
“Well then, cara,” he smiles. “Let me tell you more. I am Elio Rossi. I have a degree from Harvard Business School in economics. I’m the oldest son of the Rossi family. And soon, I’m going to be Caterina De Luca’s husband.”
I glance at him through my lashes. “I thought I was going to be your wife?”
“We belong to each other, cara mia,” he says with a smile. “This is a job that’s been given to both of us. And I very much intend to do a good job.”
His smile makes me blush, but I also feel the same kind of helplessness that has marked this whole situation for me.
“Thanks. I… it’s nice to hear,” I say.
“But you are still unhappy.” Elio frowns. “Is there… is there someone else?”
His words darken slightly, and I shake my head, lest the wrath of Elio Rossi come down on some poor guy who made my coffee or something. “No. There’s no one else. It’s just… it’s all so unfair, you know? We’re adults. We’re our own people. And yet here we are, getting married, just like our family wants us to.”
He sighs. “That’s life. It’s the life we live. There’s nothing to be done about it, so we might as well make the best of it.”
“But don’t you think it’s unfair?”
Elio shrugs. “What I think about it doesn’t matter. What it is matters.”
“Oh, come on. You don’t have any opinion? You were forced into this as much as I was!”
“And I’m happy to be here, cara mia,” he grins.
I roll my eyes. “Well, yeah, but seriously Elio. What if we don’t get along? I mean, I haven’t even kissed you!”
“Do you want to?”
The words freeze me in place. “What?”
“Do you want to kiss me?”
I blink. “Well. I mean. Yeah, but I’m not sure?”
Elio doesn’t wait for me to say anything else.
Moments later I’m swept up into his arms. His lips are on mine.
And my body ignites.
I’ve kissed other boys before. I’m not a nun and my brothers don’t know my life. I haven’t had sex, sure, but I’ve definitely kissed.
Elio’s kiss blows everything else out of the water.
His lips are soft and firm, and when he grips the back of my neck to deepen our connection I gladly do so, letting out a little sigh while he does.
He groans into my mouth. “Caterina, you are so sweet…”
“Cat,” I whisper and pull back. “I go by Cat.”
His eyes glitter. “Cat it is then. Will you give me the pleasure of another kiss, my Cat?”
Yes.
I don’t say that. I just lean forward.
Elio’s mouth on mine is like fire.
I’m lost in him.
I’m not even sure where he begins and where I end. My body is just sensations, rolled together into each other, crashing over me in waves.
I want more.
Elio’s lips skate down my neck and I’m gasping, pressing against him like I’m actually a cat, rubbing on him for contact.
“Elio,” I breathe as his hands skate dangerously close to the top of my dress. “I want more.”
He freezes. “Cat, how much…”
“Everything,” I whisper.
His eyes go wide. “But…”
“Here. Right now. We couldn’t choose each other, but we can choose this.”
Elio stares at me for another moment, then nods. “God save me. I want you too, Cat.”
He wants me too.
There’s some space under the tree, and he lays his jacket down. I move, shifting from the bench to the spot he made. His face is tight. “Cara mia, this isn’t right. It’s not how I want to…”
“But it’s what I want, Elio,” I whisper. I lean down on his jacket and slowly pull the sleeves of my dress down.
His eyes go wide as my breasts are bared to the night air, and I smile.
“We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. What’s the harm in a little fun right now?”
He swallows. “Cat, I don’t have any…”
“We don’t need protection. I trust you. And I know if we did have a baby, they would be loved. By us. By both families,” I whisper. “Your Zia Lucia will have something to do with her time other than practice her pole routine.”
He laughs, his eyes glued to me. He locks gazes with me. “Are you sure?”
I part my legs in response.
Elio curses in Italian, then kneels down. One of his hands skates up my legs, a wave of goosebumps following it.
He pushes my legs apart further. “Dio, Cat. You are not wearing anything here today?”
“You saw this dress. I wasn’t about to walk into a room full of aunties with my panty lines hanging out.”
He laughs softly, his eyes still trained on my core, which is rapidly becoming very wet for him.
“I wish we were in a bed,” he whispers.
“Elio I…”
I don’t have time to finish, because Elio’s mouth is licking between my thighs and all I can do is gasp.
Holy cow.
He’s good at this.
I pull my dress aside a little and sit up on my elbows.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Seeing Elio’s handsome face devouring me is almost enough to make me come on the spot.
I cry out, feeling a sensation across my spine. “I…”
“Do you want more, cara mia?”
I know what he’s asking.
And I do.
I nod at him. “Yes, please,” I whisper.
His eyes glitter as he looks at me again. “I’m clean, I can show you…”
“It’s okay,” I say quickly. “I’ve never done this before and it’s not like I’m going to with anyone else because we’ll be married…”
“What did you say?”
I blink. Oh no. Is he going to think I’m weird? “Um… Well, I just haven’t, you know. Had a chance.”
“Caterina. Cat. You’re telling me that you’ve never… that I am your first?”
Soundlessly, I nod.
Something dark flashes in Elio’s eyes. “Tesoro, what a gift you give me,” he purrs. His accent is thicker now, and I can tell that he likes this idea.
He likes it a lot.
He surges up and gives me a hard kiss. I’m panting into his mouth by the end of it, my center wet and hot with anticipation.
Elio pushes my legs apart and I hear his buckle clink in the darkness.
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